Becoming "Decluttered"

Infusions of Faith

"...a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away..." Ecclesiastes 3:6 CSB

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead." Philippians 3:13 CSB

De-Cluttering...

The last six weeks have been a whirlwind of activity as we have made plans to move our daughters back home. We've had work done around the house both inside and outside.  We have researched contractors and have managed projects being completed, along with maintaining the daily responsibilities of work and continuing to develop our relationship. Needless to say this time has been filled with opportunities to grow.

As we've spoken about before, one of the most challenging things that we have had to do is downsize all of our possessions. We literally went from having 5 rooms and 5 closets of stuff down to 2 rooms and 2 closets. We've cleaned out all of our storage areas in the house to integrate all of our belongings and make room for our young adults to return. Since they are adults, we wanted them to have their "adult" space to encourage forward movement and growth to prevent going back into the old roles of parent/young child.

This downsizing has revealed a few things about us: 

1. We have difficulty letting go of things from the past.  Can you believe we found old bills from 1989? That was five years before we even got married. We have kept these things that are no longer relevant to us today but we've moved them with us for over 25 years!  It's interesting how these old things kept getting buried under the more recent stuff we procured.

2. We have had some financial challenges over the years.  We found bills, budgets, plans and debt collection notices. This life has had its deep lows and wonderful highs. Our past was on display in these bundles of paperwork and we had a chance to think about where we were at the different stages in our lives. We see the evidence of past financial decisions and the journey we have been on to rectify them. We have definitely paid stupid tax when it came to financial decisions!

3. We have learned to trust God and desire His guidance and leadership for our family.  We found old journals full of our conversations with God. We wrote about our frustrations with ourselves and each other. There were some pretty dark times captured in those pages: pain we've caused, struggles to forgive, self-loathing and pleas for deliverance from ourselves, our marriage and our children. Even with the many dips and slips, we can see consistent movement in an overall positive direction to God and each other.

4. We are just as human as everyone else.  We often find ourselves thinking that the challenges in our lives are so much worse than others. As we combed through the crates, closet shelves, garage space, and bookshelves, we have seen our past shining back at us in glaring, bright lights. Things that seemed so important then were found tossed haphazardly in a corner or in the bottom of a box. Projects that I would "one day" get back to was there dusty behind other stuff we would get back to. Our cluttered spaces are like everyone else's, symbolic of our cluttered lives. This clean-out process has confirmed that we, like everyone else, hold on to stuff as a way of holding on to what we think we value or who we've tried to be. This is such a human thing.

Throughout this process we have been stretched, worn out, and put out. We have found so many similarities between our spiritual walk and this cleaning out process that it would take multiple posts to share them all. However, we would like to share these few thoughts.

Let go of the past so that you can make room for the new relationships and changes that God has coming your way.  If we had not de-cluttered, our daughters could not have come back home and be who they currently are -- young adults handling their business with a little more support from us. We know that we all will be stretched, but that is what intimate relationships are supposed to do.

Don't be afraid to face the things hidden in the boxes and closets of your heart.  Deal with the stuff in you. Make your keep and give away piles. Not everything you find will be worth keeping, however, neither is everything junk. You may find past embarrassments, failures, happy memories, and keepsakes as reminders of God's grace, healing and favor.

We would have never imagined our daughters would be returning home as young professionals. Just this time last year we were making plans to bring two babies, a 3 year-old and a 9 month-old, into our home. This time we are bringing our babies back home. We thought we would be empty-nesters moving to another city and figuring out who are as a couple during these middle-aged years. That is obviously not what God had for us. We have found that His plans are always better than ours, so we are patiently waiting to see how this next chapter of our lives will roll out. As we empty out, we find He fills us with what He desires. We are becoming more than we ever imagined we would be.

Key Themes:

-- De-cluttering is a process.  It will require you to be honest with yourself and others.  You will have to be willing to take a risk and be uncomfortable during the process.

--There are times when you have to choose between carrying the weight of the past and releasing the weight so that you can walk into your future.

Resources:

How to de-clutter your home: 

Decluttering the spirit: 

Becoming Aware

Becoming Aware

"Break open your word within me until revelation-light shines out!

Those with open hearts are given insight into
your plans."

Psa. 119:130 (TPT)

I have always been fascinated by the fact that cellular waves, radio waves, satellite waves, digital waves and analog waves are all around us. They pass through walls and penetrate barriers so that they reach the appropriate receiver. We can catch our favorite TV show, radio program or sports event by tuning into the right frequency. It all sounds simple; a transmitter sends the specific wave and the receiver captures it and translates it into something recognizable. Now that’s the extent of my ability to understand what is taking place and I am probably simplifying a very complex process.

Some of you may remember the days of adding aluminum foil to the TV antenna in order to get a clearer signal. Or you may remember having to adjust the position of the radio or TV in order to get the best signal. Believe it or not, we still finagle with the TV because we choose to only access the local stations in our area. If the antenna is not in the right position, we can’t get the station we want. It might come in fuzzy or pixelated. 

If that doesn’t resonate, most of us have experienced the dropped cell call when traveling through that “specific” stretch of highway or going down a certain hill in the community. With our advances in technology, periodically we are still faced with the challenge of having clear reception. The question,” Can you hear me now?” is more than a TV slogan. It is a phrase I use multiple times in a week.

I imagine that the Lord asks, “Can you hear me now?” to each of his children. It is so easy to get out of position with so many things vying for our attention. We wrestle with challenges at work or in our families. Right now, I have multiple, major projects happening at work and it seems like I am having challenges with each of them. There are days I just want to go to work and not have problems surface repeatedly. However, that is not where my work life is right now. We are in a very stressful time with many challenges both within and without of our organization.  Yet, in face of the many distractions and problems, I believe God is asking me, “Can you hear me now?” 

In addition, I am wrestling with my tendency to be over-responsible. I also realized that I tend to respond in a way that’s emotionally unsafe for my spouse. God is gracing me to carry and confront all these challenges. I am learning to “open my heart to His word” and attend to these internal issues. I am also learning how to let go of the need to have success after success. I am being taught how to bear up under the weight (emotionally and otherwise) of being caught in the messy, middle place of ambiguity. Honestly, I really don’t like being in this place. What makes it bearable is that even in these difficult times, I hear God’s voice through His word and His spirit affirming that HE is with me.  I hear him whispering,” Can you hear me now?”  Thankfully, I have become aware of his presence in the midst of my situation. My circumstances may not be changing as fast as I’d like, but my peace and perspective have. I am aware that he is with me and his word is being planted in my heart and situation.

 

Main Themes

 -God is always speaking.  We have to open our hearts and listen.

 -Difficulties in life don’t prevent God from speaking.  They do require us to listen more attentively to hear his voice.

 

 Resources

Thula, Thula by We will Worship    

 7 ways to Hear God (Video)  

Overcoming Relational Attacks

Infusions of Faith

Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave ^[a]you. (Ephesians 4:32, AMP)

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. (John 10:10, AMP) 

 

We hesitate to write on this blog topic because it never fails that when we address any topic, we find ourselves wrestling and fighting through something related to the topic. It is not uncommon to find ourselves having to repair, restore, or revive some area of our lives. So, sometimes we cringe in anticipation of the enemy’s attack; because who likes getting hit with a popup argument or disparaging comment that upends our relational perspective as we know it?

However, we also understand that before the devil can get to us, he must go through Christ. And Christ will never allow anything to enter our lives that he has not first approved, nor equipped us to address and overcome through the Holy Spirit. No, this struggle will not be the end of us. [”Nay in all these things (yes, the painful, messy middle of a thing) we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any creature, shall be able to separate us (nor end us) from the love of God, in Christ Jesus our Lord.”] (Rom. 8:37-39)

REAL TALK…The last few weeks have given us plenty of material to work with: we’ve had intense fellowship about our level of commitment to each other, our work schedules and priorities, the time given to care for and affirm each other and our individual weaknesses, faults and sins. It has been challenging! We often missed the mark and failed at loving each other well. We have hurt each other, pushed each other’s buttons, and at times have been immature in our responses.

Relationships are funny things -- we look to them to provide so much, when God is truly the only all in all. For some, relationships give a place of safety and a source of validation. For others, they are motivators for success and change. Regardless of the type of relationship, the reality of challenges exists in them all. Relational Attacks often show themselves as breakdowns in our relationships: arguments, hurts, wounds and the like are common weapons used to attack the trust and safety of our relationships. Regardless of how the enemy attacks, the common denominator in them is to divide and distract from unity and togetherness. The question becomes, “What can I do to respond appropriately to an attack on my relationship?”

Here are a few thoughts that may be of some assistance:

I.          Focus on growing in faith first, do not focus on each other -- We need a faith that will sustain us through the trials and challenges of relationships. We may need to reassess our view of God, updating our understanding or expectation of Him. We may need to settle the fact that God may not prevent us from going through certain challenges, but He will always go through the challenges with us, growing and equipping us to be more like him. Is that enough for you?

 II.            Develop Emotional Self-Regulation -- The ability to establish and maintain boundaries around acceptable behavior for yourself, and the behavior you accept and engage in with others, is key. Begin to manage your emotions, regulate your thought processes, and become aware of and address core fears that motivate your behavior. Note that fear sometimes expresses itself as anger, but anger is often a secondary emotional response. Ask, “What am I afraid of losing, never having, or is threatening my sense of security?”  If we can begin to process these fears with our heavenly Father in scriptures and in prayer, we can begin to find healthier ways to respond and regulate our behavior in His safe and loving care.

III.           Ask for and Receive the Grace of God -- Just like a child that has experienced trauma, we all need God’s grace to help us make it through difficult times. We must give grace to ourselves and each other while wrestling to update our faith and expectations.

 As we walk through our process of growing as individuals and as a couple, we find it necessary to seek help.  We periodically receive help from Christian counselors and others who can provide a sounding board and lead us to tools that we can use. We recognize that we don’t know everything, but we know we love each other and are committed to the covenant of marriage. We commit again to the boundaries we’ve set; divorce is not an option, and we refuse to torture each other by being people we ourselves don’t like. These guardrails force us to be honest, humble, prayerful, and to reach out for help when we are stumped on what to do.  

As you seek to overcome the relational attacks you’re experiencing -- whether in marriage, family or another relationship -- we encourage you to stop the cycle of fear, anger and pain. Learn to manage your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Get help when needed and commit to growing and facing your own issues. Provide grace to yourself and others as you are going through the process of growth and change. Most importantly, believe that God is really for you and that He will provide wisdom and support as you seek Him.

 

Key Themes

--Relationships are the cornerstone of every family and the primary target of the enemy – he hates unity.

--Christ came to give us life and joy, even in relational trials. As we make the choice to grow and give grace to others, we can fully walk in the joy He brings, despite tumultuous feelings.

--Anger is a secondary emotion, often caused by fear. Fear can be overcome but we must choose to work on learning new responses to old triggers.  Here are few thoughts on how to overcome old triggers.

a.    Determining if what you’re feeling is real danger or perceived fear. Although your body may respond similarly with both, becoming aware of the type of fear may help you calm yourself or manage your behavior during times of strong emotion. Ask yourself, “What type of threat is this?” (If you experience PTSD, utilize the skills you’ve learned to develop safety, recognizing God is holding you in His hands.)

b.    Gain an awareness of yourself and of others. Begin to control your tongue and/or behaviors and be careful to not intentional damage others. At least have a thought about the behaviors you want to exhibit and begin moving in that direction. Also put boundaries around what you allow others to do. Establish new ways to address when boundaries are crossed by others. Seek help to aid you in your process.

c.     Determine your response. Do you need to remove yourself from the situation? Do you need to have a conversation?  Is this relationship bringing glory to God? Pray and listen to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

 

Resources

--How to heal hurting relationships by Shana Schutte 

--How to restore a wounded relationship by  Adam Wittenberg  

--Driving Fear out of your relationship: Charisma Magazine